capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just found a bag of teeth...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
