There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
