I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
