a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
