How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
