Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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