I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
