Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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