yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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