He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
