What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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