new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
