Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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