i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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