the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
