I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
