Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
