I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize