bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What a dumb baby whore.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
