mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize