8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
