i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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