I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she told me i tasted like america
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
