Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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