i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
