I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
