Well apparently he's into motor boating.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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