Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize