well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
