woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
drinking out of a sandbucket again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i now understand why vodka
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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