y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
