You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
