why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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