I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize