Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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