I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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