Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
