I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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