Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
