i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
