i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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