I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
