I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
