I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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