Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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