This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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