dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
