i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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