Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
