Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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