I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
