So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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