Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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