I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
