I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize