What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
