peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
