She's JV to your varsity
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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