I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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