why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
