I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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