Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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