so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
