I think I am morally bankrupt
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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