How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
