fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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