...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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