Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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