R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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