The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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