you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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