Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
