I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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