He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
