I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
