i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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