**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so let's talk penis.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
