I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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