Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize