btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
