I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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