You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she peed on how many people?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I love you.
Bad choice
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
