Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
