Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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