There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the liver wants what the liver wants
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
