does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
