Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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