Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
