You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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