Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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