He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
