you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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