He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
