Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
