your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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