I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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