So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
