The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
