My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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