We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
