I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize