you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
third nipple confirmed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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