u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
