You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
