nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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