She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
